So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
