if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
