Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
