do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
