I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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