I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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