if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
