You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
