i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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