I just pynch a tree in the face
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
