seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The Olympian is in my bed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
