We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
