I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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