Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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