sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
