i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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