i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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