dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
