I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
