first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
