Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
