If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
