i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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