There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
