I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
