That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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