Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The Olympian is in my bed
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
