doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
