can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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