Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
