Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
