it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
