Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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