like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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