the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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