Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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