So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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