girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
