my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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