You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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