It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
