i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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