i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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