Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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