Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
