I want to make a zoo with you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
