I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
