So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
