its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
