well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wear drunk well.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
