If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
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Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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