please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i drank out of a bidet.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
