you guys were way drunker than both of me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
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They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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