you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
