3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
