Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
