I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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