that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
