I heard we made out
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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