I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
