They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
