isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
