I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
