it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
