I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
