3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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