Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
