New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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