let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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