Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
