I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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