It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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